Uno
Dos
Tres
Quatro
Ah
Ah, ah-hoo
Ooh
[Rap music plays on radio]
I got my pistoI point cocked
Ring-a-ling, shots nonstop
UntiI I see your monkey ass drop
And let your homies know who done it
'Cause when it comes to this gangsta shit
You motherfuckers know who run it, unh-huh
We standin' up for our own shit
And if you put this motherfucker to the test
[Turns down volume]
You're fuckin' with the very best
[Turns up volume]
I can't talk to my mother, so I talk to my diary
Mother... shittin'...
son of a-
Ass! Ooh!
I just...
I was told-
Have you seen- I was told that if...
I was late again I would be summarily dismissed.
[Sets car alarm]
Mmm. No, no.
Just a moment.
Corporate accounts payable. Nina speaking.
Just a moment.
Corporate accounts payable. Nina speaking.
Just a moment.
Corporate accounts payable. Nina speaking.
Just a moment.
Corporate accounts payable. Nina speaking.
Just a moment.
Corporate accounts payable. Nina speaking.
Hello, Peter. What's happening?
Ahh... we have sort of a problem here.
Yeah. You apparently didn't put...
one of the new cover sheets on your T.P.S. reports.
Oh, yeah. I'm sorry about that. I- I forgot.
Mmm... yeah.
You see, we're putting the cover sheets...
on all T.P.S. reports now before they go out.
Did you see the memo about this?
Yeah. Yeah, I have the memo right here.
I just, uh, forgot...
but, uh, it's not shipping out till tomorrow...
so there's no problem.
Yeah.
If you could just go ahead and make sure...
you do that from now on, that would be great...
and, uh, I'll go ahead and make sure...
you get another copy of that memo, OK?
No. I have the memo. I've got it-It's right-
Hello, PhiI. What's happening?
Um...
I came by here yesterday...
Four teams out on the Spanish point...
discovered a shipwreck off the coast...
Milton?
Hi. Uh...
could you turn that down just a little bit?
But I was told that I could listen...
to the radio at a reasonable volume from 9:00 to 11:00.
Yeah. I know you're allowed to.
I was just thinkin' maybe like a personaI favor.
Well, I-I-I told Bill if Sandra's going to...
listen to her headphones while she's filing...
then I should be able to listen to the radio...
while I'm collating...
so I don't see why I should have to turn down the radio.
Yeah. All right. OK.
I enjoy listening at a reasonable volume...
Thanks.
from 9:00 to 11:00.
Hi, Peter.
What's happening?
We need to talk about your T.P.S. reports.
Yeah. The cover sheet. I know. I know.
Bill talked to me about it.
Yeah. Did you get that memo?
Yeah, I got the memo, and I understand the policy...
and the problem is just that I forgot the one time...
and I've already taken care of it...
so it's not even really a problem anymore.
Ah! Yeah.
It's just we're putting new cover sheets...
on all the T.P.S. reports before they go out now...
so if you could go ahead and try to remember...
to do that from now on, that'd be great.
All right!
[Telephone rings]
Just a moment.
[Ring]
Corporate accounts payable. Nina speaking.
Peter Gibbons.
Yes.
Corporate accounts payable. Nina speaking.
Just a moment.
I have the memo.
No. Not again. I-
Why does it say paper jam when there is no paper jam?
I swear to God, one of these days...
I just kick this piece of shit out the window.
You and me both, man.
That thing is lucky I'm not armed.
Piece of shit.
"Samir...
"Na-Na...
"Na-Naga-"
- No. Thanks. - Unh-huh!
Please.
"MichaeI... Bolton"?
That's me.
Wow! Is that your reaI name?
Yeah. Ahem.
So are you related to that singer guy?
No. It's just a coincidence.
Oh.
No one in this country can pronounce my name right.
It's not that hard.
"Na-ee" and then "anajaad. " Nayanajaad.
At least your name isn't MichaeI Bolton.
You know, there's nothing wrong with that name.
There was nothing wrong with it...
untiI I was about twelve years old...
and that no-talent ass clown became famous...
and started winning Grammys.
Hmm.
Well, why don't you just go by Mike instead of MichaeI?
Why should I change? He's the one who sucks.
Hey, guys.
What's up, G?
Wanna go to Chotchkie's, get some coffee?
Oh, it's a little early.
I gotta get outta here. I think I'm gonna lose it.
Uh-oh.
Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mondays.
[Peggy chuckles]
Boy, I tell ya, some days.
One of these days, it's just gonna be like-
[Imitates machine gun]
Heh heh heh!
So, can I get you gentlemen something more to drink...
or maybe something to nibble on-
some pizza shooters, shrimp poppers, or extreme fajitas?
- Just coffee. - OK!
Sounds like a case of the Mondays.
[Brian chuckles]
What if we're still doin' this when we're fifty?
It would be nice to have that kind of job security.
Lumbergh's gonna have me work on Saturday.
I can tell already.
I'm gonna end up doin' it, because, uh...
because I'm a big pussy...
which is why I work at Initech to begin with.
Uh, yeah, well, I work at Initech...
and I don't consider myself a pussy, OK?
Yes. I am also not a pussy.
They're gonna find out the hard way I'm not a pussy...
if they don't start treating their software people better.
That's right.
They don't understand.
I could program a virus that'd rip that place off big time.
Yeah.
Big time.
Whoa!
There she is.
Peter, you know, you always talk about this girI.
If you're so obsessed with her, why don't you just ask her out?
Oh, I can't do that.
I'm just another asshole customer.
You can't just walk up to a waitress and ask her out.
Besides, I'm still trying to work it out with Anne.
Oh, that reminds me. I can't play poker on Friday.
Why not?
I'm gonna see this occupationaI hypnotherapist with Anne.
Dude, an occupationaI hypnotherapist?
I know. Anne wants me to go.
She thinks it might help.
Um...
You know, sometimes I think that...
I get thinking that she's cheating on me.
Yeah. I know what you mean.
Yeah.
What is that supposed to mean?
Nothing.
Why don't you just tell Anne that you're not into hypnosis...
and you wanna play poker with us?
I can't do that. She'll get all pissed off...
and, besides, I think the guy might actually be able to help.
I mean, he did help Anne lose weight.
Peter, she's anorexic.
Yeah, I know.
The guy's really good.
Yeah, well, I don't think any occupationaI hypnotherapist...
is gonna help you solve any of your problems.
Hey, and speaking of problems...
what's this I hear about you having problems...
with your T.P.S. reports?
Yeah. Didn't you get that memo?
Hey! Hey, guys! Peter!
Is that Smykowski?
- Samir! - What's he doing?
Oh, probably workin' on another heart attack.
I've been lookin' all over for you guys!
Have you seen this? I knew it. I knew it.
What? It's a staff meeting. So what?
So what? We're all screwed. That's what.
They're gonna downsize Initech.
What are you talking about? How do you know that?
How do I know? They're bringing in a consultant.
That's how I know.
That's what this staff meeting's all about.
It happened at Initrode last year.
You have to interview with this consultant.
They call them efficiency experts...
but what you're really doing...
is interviewing for your own job.
Every week you say you're gonna lose your job...
and you're still here.
Not this time. I bet I'm the first one laid off.
The thought of having to go to the state unemployment office...
and stand in line with those scumbags...
Shit.
You know there are people in this world...
that don't have to put up with all this shit?
Like that guy that invented the pet rock.
You see, that's what you have to do.
You have to use your mind...
and come up with some really great idea like that...
and you can make millions- never have to work again.
You think the pet rock was a really great idea?
Sure it was.
The guy made a million dollars.
You know, I had an idea like that once...
a long time ago.
Really? What was it, Tom?
Well, all right.
It was a "Jump to Conclusions" mat.
You see, it would be this mat...
that you would put on the floor...
and it would have different conclusions written on it...
that you could jump to.
That is the worst idea I've ever heard in my life, Tom.
Yes. Yes, it's horrible, this idea.
Uh, look...
I gotta get outta here.
I'll see you guys later...
if I still have a job.
Yeah.
Our high schooI guidance counselor...
used to ask us what you would do if you had a million dollars...
didn't have to work...
and whatever you'd say was supposed to be your career.
So if you wanted to fix old cars...
then you're supposed to be an auto mechanic.
So what did you say?
I never had an answer.
I guess that's why I'm working at Initech.
No. You're working at Initech...
'cause that question is bullshit to begin with.
If everyone listened to her, there'd be no janitors...
because no one would clean shit if they had a million dollars.
You know what I would do if I had a million dollars?
I would invest half of it in glorious mutuaI funds...
and then take the other half to my friend Asadulah...
who works in securities-
Samir. Samir, you're missing the point.
The point of the exercise is you're supposed to figure out...
what you would want to do if-
"PC load letter"? What the fuck does that mean?
[Turns on television]
Hey, Peter, man! Check out channeI nine!
Check out this chick!
Damn it! Lawrence, can't you just pretend...
like we can't hear each other through the wall?
Oh, sorry, man! Anne over there or somethin'?
No, but...
If you want to talk to me, just come over.
Hey, man, check this out, dude.
The key is early detection.
Tumors that are detected-
Aw, jeez, Lawrence.
Sorry, man. I thought you'd want to see this.
Doesn't that chick look like Anne?
Yeah.
A little bit. I...
Hey, she hasn't been over here in a while.
You two still goin' out?
Yeah.
I guess. I-I don't know.
Sometimes I get the feeling like she's cheating on me.
Yeah. I get that feeling, too, man.
What do you mean by that?
I don't know, man.
I just get that feeling lookin' at her, like...
she's the type of chick that just...
Uhh.
Oh, I'm sorry, man. Look, I-I-
You know, I'm talkin' outta my ass.
Forget it. Don't worry. It's all right.
Just-I had a rough day.
Tell me about it, man.
Ohh...
Ooh, I gotta wake my ass up...
at six a. m. every day this week...
drag up to Las Golindas.
I'm doin' the drywall up there at the new McDonald's.
Let me ask you something.
When you come in on Monday, and you're not feelin' reaI well...
does anyone ever say to you...
"Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays"?
No.
No, man.
Shit, no, man.
You'd get your ass kicked, sayin' something like that, man.
Huh.
We still goin' fishin' this weekend?
Ah, Lumbergh's gonna have me come in on Saturday.
I just know it.
Well, you can get out of that easily.
Yeah? How?
Well...
when a boss wants you to work on Saturday...
he generally asks you at the end of the day, right?
Yeah.
So all you gotta do is avoid him-that's all right...
I got it-on the last few hours on Friday...
duck out early...
turn off your answering machine...
you should be home free, man.
That's a really good idea.
Fuckin' "A," man.
Lawrence, what would you do if you had a million dollars?
I'll tell you what I'd do, man.
Two chicks at the same time, man.
That's it?
If you had a million dollars...
you'd do two chicks at the same time?
Damn straight. I've always wanted to do that, man.
I think if I were a millionaire, I could hook that up, too...
'cause chicks dig dudes with money.
Well, not all chicks.
The type of chicks that would double up on a dude like me do.
Good point.
What about you, now? What would you do?
Besides two chicks at the same time?
Well, yeah.
Nothing.
Nothin', huh?
I would relax.
I would sit on my ass all day.
I would do nothing.
You don't need a million dollars to do nothin', man.
Take a look at my cousin.
He's broke, don't do shit.
Corporate accounts payable. Nina speaking.
Just a moment.
Corporate accounts payable. Nina speaking.
Just a moment.
Corporate accounts payable. Nina speaking.
Just a moment.
So, you should ask yourself...
with every decision you make...
"Is this good for the company?
"Am I helping with... "
Is that the guy?
Yeah. We're screwed.
OK, then, um...
I'd like to go ahead and welcome, uh...
a new member to our team here.
This is, uh...
Bob Slydell.
Yeah. Uh...
Bob is a consultant.
Yeah. He's gonna be sort of, uh...
helping us out...
a little here...
asking some questions...
maybe seeing if there are some ways...
we can make things run a little more smoothly...
around here.
Yeah.
Oh, and remember, next Friday...
is Hawaiian shirt day.
So, you know, if you want to, go ahead and, uh...
wear a Hawaiian shirt and jeans.
And I said I don't care if they lay me off, either.
Because I told Bill...
that if they move my desk one more time...
then I'm-I'm quitting. I'm going to quit...
and I told Dom, too...
because they've moved my desk four times already this year...
and I used to be over by the window...
and I could see the squirrels, and they were married...
but then they switched from the Swingline...
to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler...
because it didn't bind up as much...
and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler.
OK, Milton.
No, it's not OK, because if they make me-
If they take my stapler, then I'II-I'II-I'II-
I'll set the building on fire.
OK, well, that sounds great.
Uh, I'll talk to you later, all right? Bye.
Peter-
Good-bye.
Come on.
Oh, for cryin'-
Hello, Peter. What's happening?
Um...
I'm gonna need you...
to go ahead and come in tomorrow...
so if you could be here around...
nine, that would be great.
OK?
Oh, oh, and I almost forgot.
Um...
I'm also gonna need you to go ahead and come in...
on Sunday, too, OK?
We, um...
lost some people this week...
and, uh...
we need to sort of play catch-up.
Thanks.
So I was sitting in my cubicle today...
and I realized, ever since I started working, um...
every single day of my life has been worse than...
the day before it.
So that means that every single day that you see me...
that's on the worst day of my life.
What about today?
Is today the worst day of your life?
- Yeah. - Wow. That's messed up.
I'm sorry.
Go on.
Is there any way that you could sort of...
just zonk me out so that, like, I don't know...
that I'm at work... in here?
Could I come home...
and think that I've been fishing all day or something?
That's... really not what I do, Peter.
Heh.
However...
the good news is, I think I can help you.
I want you to do something for me, Peter.
I want you to try and relax.
I want you to relax every muscle in your body...
beginning with your toes to your fingertips.
Now I want you to relax your legs.
You're beginning to feeI your eyelids getting heavy...
as you slip deeper and deeper...
into a state of complete relaxation.
All your cares and concerns are disappearing.
Deeper and deeper.
Way down.
Your concern about your job...
melts away...
way...
way down.
Unh.
Now, when I count backwards from three...
you'll be in a state of complete relaxation.
Your worries, cares, and inhibitions will be gone...
and you will remain in that state...
untiI I snap my fingers.
Three.
Deeper and deeper.
Way...
way down.
Two.
Deeper and deeper...
W- w-w-way down...
[Labored breathing]
Whu-whu-
One.
[Gasps] Oh, my God! Dr. Swanson!
Ew... ew...
- Is he breathing? - Call 911!
Oh! Where's the phone? Where's the goddamn phone?!
Dee dah dee-dee dee-dee
Yah dee dee
Dah dee-dee dah dee-dee dah dee
Dee
[Beeping]
Ahh...
[Telephone rings]
[Ring]
[Beep]
Yeah, hi, it's Bill Lumbergh.
It's about...
ten o'clock.
Yeah. Just, uh...
wondering where you are.
[Ring]
[Beep]
Yeah. Hi. It's Bill Lumbergh again.
Uh...
I just wanted to make sure you knew...
that we did start at the, uh...
usuaI time this morning.
Yeah. It isn't a half day or anything like that...
so if you could just go ahead...
and get here as soon as possible...
that would be terrific.
Ahh...
Yeah. Hi. It's Bill Lum-
Yeah. It's- Yeah. Hi. It's Bill Lumber-
Yeah. It's me again.
Uh, I was away from my desk for a minute.
- [Telephone rings] - Just checking in.
Hello?
Peter, what's going on?
Huh?
It's three-thirty. Why aren't you at work?
Because I-I-
I didn't feeI like it.
Peter, what's gotten into you?
First, you just sit there while Dr. Swanson dies...
then you walk out and embarrass me in front of my friends...
and don't blame this on hypnosis, either.
- That's totaI bull- - [Hangs up]
[Telephone rings, machine beeps]
Listen, asshole. Nobody hangs up on me.
We're through.
Oh, and one more thing...
I've been cheating on you!
[Anne hangs up, machine beeps]
So, from now on, only use the new time sheets...
if you've worked on two or more job codes in one day...
and you need the extra columns to fit it all in.
Otherwise, use the old time sheets-
Where's Peter?
I heard he didn't show up this weekend.
Uh, I don't know.
...really, really help us out.
Who's that guy?
So, uh... any questions?
Hi. I'm Peter.
Hi. Can I help you?
What are you doin' for lunch today?
Uh, well, our specials today are blackened chicken.
It's actually right there on the board. Excuse me.
Hey, look who's back!
Table for three to-
I was askin' what you were doin' for lunch.
Would you like to have lunch with me?
Are you-are you serious?
Yeah.
Yeah. I-I don't think I'm supposed to do that.
Oh. OK, well, I'll tell you what I'll do.
I'm gonna go next door and get a table...
and if you'd like to join me, uh...
no big deaI, all right?
And if not, that's cooI, too.
- OK? - OK.
All right.
When you say, "next door... "
do you mean Chili's or Flinger's?
Flinger's.
OK.
What you do at Initech...
is you take the specifications from the customers...
and you bring them down to the software engineers?
Yes. Y-yes. That's-that's right.
Well, then I just have to ask...
why couldn't the customers...
just take them directly to the software people, huh?
Well, I'll tell you why.
Uh, because...
engineers are not good at dealing with customers.
Uh-huh. So...
you physically take the specs from the customer?
Well...
no. My secretary does that or the fax.
Huh.
So then you must physically bring them...
to the software people.
Well...
no.
I mean...
sometimes.
What-what would you say you do here?
Well, look, I already told you.
I deaI with the goddamn customers...
so the engineers don't have to.
I have people skills.
I am good at dealing with people!
Can't you understand that?!
What the hell is wrong with you people?!
I-
Let's see...
you are...
MichaeI...
- Bolton? - Yeah.
Is that your reaI name?
Yeah.
Are you any relation to the pop singer?
No, it's-it's just a coincidence.
Ha ha. To be honest with you...
I love his music. I do.
- I'm a MichaeI Bolton fan. - Me, too.
For my money, I don't know if it gets any better...
than when he sings "When a Man Loves a Woman. "
But you must really love his music, huh?
[Men laugh]
Yeah, he's-he's...
he's pretty- he's pretty good, I guess.
You're goddamn right, he is.
- [Men laugh] - Right.
So tell me, what's your favorite song of his?
Mmm...
[MichaeI clears throat]
I don't-I don't know. Heh heh.
I mean, I guess I sort of like them all.
That's a riot. I'm the exact same way.
But it must be twice as hard for you...
being you have the same name as him.
I celebrate the guy's entire catalog.
Anyway, let's get down to business, MichaeI.
You know, you can just call me Mike.
Hi.
Hey.
I wonder if I'm allowed to, uh, wear this in here?
I think it would be OK.
Would you like to sit down?
OK.
Ahh.
Wow!
This place is really... nice.
Yeah. Is it?
Yeah, my God, compared to Chotchkie's!
I like the uniforms better, anyways.
I like yours.
Ugh!
"We're not in Kansas anymore. "
Yeah.
Really. Ha ha.
It's on your...
Ohh! Yeah. That's...
That's, uh...
That's one of my- my pieces of flair.
What's a "piece of flair"?
Oh, it's, uh, where, you know...
like these suspenders and, uh, buttons, they're all sort of...
We're actually required to wear...
um, fifteen pieces of flair.
It's really stupid, actually.
Do you get to pick 'em yourself?
Yeah, yeah, we do.
Although I didn't actually choose these.
I just sort of grabbed, you know, fifteen buttons.
I don't even know what they say. I don't really care.
I don't really like talking about my flair.
OK.
So, where do you, work, Peter?
Initech.
And-Yeah? What-what do you do there?
I sit in a cubicle...
and I update bank software for the 2000 switch.
What's that?
Well, see, they wrote all this bank software...
and, uh, to save space...
they used two digits for the date instead of four.
So like 98 instead of 1998.
Uh, so I go through these thousands of lines of code...
and, uh... It doesn't really matter.
I, uh, I don't like my job, and, uh...
I don't think I'm gonna go anymore.
You're just not gonna go?
Yeah.
Won't you get fired?
I don't know.
But I really don't like it, and, uh, I'm not gonna go.
So you're gonna quit?
Nah-uh. Not really. Uh...
I'm just gonna stop going.
What?
Uh, when did you decide all that?
About an hour ago.
- Oh, really? - Yeah.
An hour ago.
So you're gonna get another job?
I don't think I'd like another job.
Well, what are you going to do about money and bills and-
You know, I've never really liked paying bills.
I don't think I'm gonna do that, either.
Ahh...
well, so what do you want to do?
I want to take you out to dinner...
and then I want to go back to my apartment and watch "Kung Fu. "
Do you ever watch "Kung Fu"?
I love "Kung Fu. "
- ChanneI 39. - Totally.
You should come over and watch "Kung Fu" tonight.
- OK. - Great.
OK. Can we order lunch first?
- Yeah. - OK.
[Mumbles]
[Inaudible conversation]
Took a stapler off my desk...
[Laughter]
Anyway, sounds great, Bob. See you in a few.
Hi, Milton. What's happening?
Nothing.
I'm going to have to ask you to go ahead...
and move your desk again, so...
if you could go ahead and get it as far back...
against that wall as possible...
that would be great.
No, because I was-
That way, we'll have some room...
for some of these boxes and things...
we need to put in here, and, uh...
Oh. Oh, there it is.
Here, let me just go ahead and get that from you.
[Milton moans]
Great.
So if you could just get to that as soon as possible...
that would be terrific, OK?
Thanks a bunch, Milton. Good-bye.
[Mumbles] OK.
I could set the building on fire.
- Peter. - MichaeI.
What the hell's going on, man?
I thought you'd come in here and start shooting.
No. I just came to get my address book.
I'm not gonna stay.
I got a phone number, Mike, that I don't wanna lose.
What? Peter, you're in deep shit.
You were supposed to come in Saturday. What were you doing?
MichaeI, I did nothing.
I did absolutely nothing...
and it was everything that I thought it could be.
I hope you have a better story for Lumbergh.
You're supposed to be at your interview with the consultants.
The who?
The consultants. What has gotten into you?
Oh, yeah... right.
Wait, Peter. You gotta postpone it, man.
Tell 'em you've been sick. Make something up.
Oh, no way. No, I feeI great.
It's the best day of my life.
Next batter looks like a Peter Gibbons.
Uh-huh.
Ah, there you are. We were just talking about you.
You must be Peter Gibbons.
Uh-huh. Terrific.
I'm Bob Slydell. This is my associate Bob Porter.
Oh, hi, Bob. Bob.
Grab a seat and join us for a minute or two.
You see, what we're actually trying to do here...
is we're just, we're trying to get a feeI...
for how people spend their day at work.
So if you would...
would you walk us through a typicaI day for you?
- Yeah. - Great.
Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late.
Uh, I use the side door.
That way Lumbergh can't see me.
And after that, I just sort of space out for about an hour.
Uh, "space out"?
Yeah.
I just stare at my desk.
But it looks like I'm working.
I do that for probably another hour after lunch, too.
I'd say in a given week...
I probably only do about fifteen minutes...
of reaI, actuaI work.
Peter, would you be a good sport...
and indulge us and just...
tell us a little more?
Oh, yeah.
Let me tell you something about T.P.S. reports.
Ahh...
The thing is, Bob, it's not that I'm lazy.
It's that I just don't care.
Don't... don't care?
It's a problem of motivation, all right?
Now, if I work my ass off...
and Initech ships a few extra units...
I don't see another dime.
So where's the motivation?
And here's something else, Bob...
I have eight different bosses right now.
- I beg your pardon? - Eight bosses.
- Eight? - Eight, Bob.
So that means that when I make a mistake...
I have eight different people coming by to tell me about it.
That's my only reaI motivation, is not to be hassled.
That and the fear of losing my job.
But you know, Bob...
that'll only make someone work just hard enough...
not to get fired.
Would you bear with me for just a second, please?
OK.
What if- and believe me...
this is strictly hypotheticaI-
but what if you were offered some kind of a stock option...
equity-sharing program?
Would that do anything for you?
I don't know. I guess. Listen, I'm gonna go.
Uh, it's been really nice talking to both of you guys.
- Yes. - Absolutely.
Pleasure's all on this side of the table, trust me.
Good luck with your layoffs, all right?
I hope your firings go really well.
- OK. - Thanks a lot.
Great. Wow.
So, Peter, what's happening?
Listen, uh...
Joanna, would you come here a minute, please?
Yeah.
I'm sorry I was late, but I was having lunch, and I, uh...
We need to talk about your flair.
Really? I- I have fifteen pieces on.
I also...
Well, fifteen is the minimum, OK?
Oh. OK.
Now, you know, it's up to you whether or not...
you want to just do the bare minimum or...
Well, like Brian, for example...
has thirty-seven pieces of flair on today.
And a terrific smile.
OK, so you want me to wear more?
Look, Joanna...
Yeah?
People can get a cheeseburger anywhere, OK?
They come to Chotchkie's for the atmosphere and the attitude.
OK? that's what the flair's about.
- It's about fun. - Yeah.
OK, so more then, yeah?
Look, we want you to express yourself, OK?
Now if you feeI that the bare minimum is enough, then, OK...
but some people choose to wear more...
and we encourage that, OK?
You do want to express yourself, don't you?
Y- yeah.
OK, great, great. That's all I ask.
OK.
Right, so there's three more people...
we can easily lose.
Then there's Tom Smykowski.
He's useless.
Gone.
Sounds good to me.
Here's a peculiar...
- Uh, Milton Waddams. - Who's he?
You know, squirrelly looking guy. Mumbles a lot.
Oh, yeah.
We-we can't actually find a record...
of him being a current employee here.
I looked into it more deeply...
and I found that apparently what happened...
is that he was laid off five years ago...
and no one ever told him about it...
but through some kind of glitch in the payroll department...
he still gets a paycheck.
So we just went ahead and fixed the glitch.
Great.
So, uh, Milton has been let go?
Just a second there, professor.
We, uh, we fixed the glitch.
So he won't be receiving a paycheck anymore.
So it'll just work itself out naturally.
We always like to avoid confrontation whenever possible.
The problem is solved from your end.
[Laughter]
I'd like to move us right along to a Peter Gibbons.
Now, we had a chance to meet this young man...
and, boy, that's just a straight shooter...
with upper management written all over him.
Eech. Ooh.
Yeah. Um...
I'm going to have to go ahead...
and sort of disagree with you there.
Yeah, uh, he's been reaI flaky lately...
and I'm just not sure that he's the caliber person...
that we would want for upper management.
He's also been having some problems...
with his T.P.S. reports.
I'll handle this.
We feeI...
that the problem isn't with Peter.
Mm-mmm.
It's that you haven't challenged him enough...
to get him really motivated.
There it is.
Yeah... Ah, well...
I'm just not sure about that right now.
Yeah, Bill, let me ask you a reaI quick question here.
How much time would you say you spend each week...
dealing with these T.P.S. reports?
Yeah...
Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta
A reaI gangsta ass nigger plays his cards right
A reaI gangsta ass nigger never runs his mouth
'Cause reaI gangsta ass niggers don't start fights
And niggers always gotta hide here
Showin' all his boys how we shot 'em
ReaI gangsta ass niggers don't flex nuts
'Cause reaI gangsta ass niggers know they got 'em
And everything is cooI in the mind of a gangsta
'Cause gangsta ass niggers think deep
Up three-sixty-five and twenty-four-seven
ReaI gangsta ass niggers don't sleep
And all I gotta say to you wannabe, gonna-be
cootchie-eatin', jealous-hearted pranksters...
[Alarm blaring]
Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta
Hey, Peter, man!
Check out channeI nine. It's the breast exams. Whoo!
Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta
Hi, Peter.
Oh, hi, Dom.
Although I was born in Jamaica
Now I'm in the U.S. making deals
Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta
I mean, one that you don't really know
Riding around town in a drop top Benz
Hittin' switches in my black six-four
Now gangsta ass niggers come in all shapes and colors
Some got killed in the past
But this gangsta here was a smart one
Started living for the Lord and not laughs
Now all I gotta say to you wannabe, gonna-be
crumb snatchin', cootchie-eatin' pranksters
When the Grim Reaper steps up
What the hell you gonna do?
Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta
So... Peter...
what's happening?
Ahh, now, are you going to go ahead...
and have those T.P.S. reports for us this afternoon?
No.
Ahh... yeah...
So I guess we should probably go ahead...
and have a little talk, hmm?
Not right now, Lumbergh, I'm-I'm kinda busy.
In fact, I'm going to have to ask you to go ahead.
Just come back another time.
I got a meeting with the Bobs in a couple of minutes.
Uh, I wasn't aware of a meeting with them.
Yeah, they called me at home.
That sounds good, Peter.
And, uh, we'll go ahead and...
get this all fixed up for you.
Great.
[Mumbles]
Hi, Milton. What's happening?
[Mumbles]
I- I didn't receive my paycheck this week.
Uh, you're going to have to talk to payroll about that.
I did and they said-
Milt, we're gonna go ahead...
and move you downstairs into storage "B."
No, I-I...